Oh really? You wanna "work out?!"

but without telling me you're actually selling a pyramid type scheme shake/workout video program that I don't care about? Or maybe you wanna "have a party something" but really you want me to buy some crappy embroidered bags?

Stop bugging me with your home sales pitches. I really don't wanna participate in it and I haven't the heart to tell you its a sham. Except obviously anonymously on this blog!

TeeCee posts about cats

Everyday I play a little game. In this game I attempt to clean my home and place my hands on items that I plan to pick up. The trick of the game is "will this/ won't this be covered in cat urine?!"

I'm losing.

Oh, Mike. I'm glad you're in Vancouver.

I had a one-night stand with Mike in Vancouver a few years ago. I still talk to him from time to time. He's married. He wasn't married when we spent the night in a (rather fancy downtown) Holiday Inn, but he was in a relationship. He hid this fact, saying he was "kind of dating someone." He meant that he was engaged, but I amorally took this to mean that he was seeing someone but it wasn't exclusive. His fault for not saying, my fault for not asking. Anyway. We had awesome sex and used up all the condoms and were reciprocal with all the downstairs business.

We chat each other up once a month or so. I'm not really interested in him, but I love the attention. I love that he still looks at my pictures and admits to some light facebook stalking. I find it very sexy and comforting to know that I was his last fling before settling down, and that I'm someone he'll always remember fondly and with gratitude. I can't bring myself to judge him for betraying his fiancee, because then I'd have to judge myself for going back to chat with him any time I'm feeling the slightest bit down on myself, knowing that he things I'm gorgeous and wants to say nice things to me all the time. It's addictive and soothing. Who wouldn't want that? Is it emotional cheating if we never talk about sex or make any plans to meet? I won't lie- I would be insanely flattered if he jerked off and thought of me. I don't think of him when I jerk off, though.

I told him I had taken a lot of selfies recently in an indulgent moment of loving the way my hair looked. He asked for a collage. A couple of the pictures were kind of sexy- nothing a bathing suit wouldn't reveal, but you know what I mean. I included those ones. 

I'd like to think that I'm not the type of person who would sleep with a married man, but I'm grateful that he's thousands of miles away.

This post is gay

In regards to DOMA being ruled unconstitutional:


Suck my Dick, Homophobes.


In a gay way.

Aah, so THAT'S it...

Childhood friend who inexplicably married way above your attractiveness level, irritating me slightly every time I'd see a picture,

I finally saw a candid photo of you two. I get it now. Carry on.

#toomuchbitchyforfacebook

Fuck hashtags.

X Hamster

I jerked off to actual, human porn today. That sounds like I dig donkey on donkey action, but I mean I usually either read erotica or sexy comic books. I don't really like live porn because I tend to find it boring, especially since all the ladies are all hairless and gross and all the also hairless (bleguhgh) dudes end up finishing up with a blowjob and who the fuck FINISHES with a blowjob? That's like finishing a meal with bruschetta.

Instagram agrees: best for food porn, not real porn

Anyway, I spent some time with X Hamster today (wtf is up with that name) and it was pretty great. That tattooed psychologist with gauged ears sure did get banged by those big dicked prisoners.

TeeCee posts about doing it.

You know, that was pretty great....

 ...but could you please get off me/ out of me. I think my Candy Crush has elapsed enough time for a new turn.



 ...I love that post-coitus shower time (that my husband takes, I would never* shower after sex...) a little too much.




*exaggeration.