Wednesday, June 26, 2013
Oh, Mike. I'm glad you're in Vancouver.
I had a one-night stand with Mike in Vancouver a few years ago. I still talk to him from time to time. He's married. He wasn't married when we spent the night in a (rather fancy downtown) Holiday Inn, but he was in a relationship. He hid this fact, saying he was "kind of dating someone." He meant that he was engaged, but I amorally took this to mean that he was seeing someone but it wasn't exclusive. His fault for not saying, my fault for not asking. Anyway. We had awesome sex and used up all the condoms and were reciprocal with all the downstairs business.
We chat each other up once a month or so. I'm not really interested in him, but I love the attention. I love that he still looks at my pictures and admits to some light facebook stalking. I find it very sexy and comforting to know that I was his last fling before settling down, and that I'm someone he'll always remember fondly and with gratitude. I can't bring myself to judge him for betraying his fiancee, because then I'd have to judge myself for going back to chat with him any time I'm feeling the slightest bit down on myself, knowing that he things I'm gorgeous and wants to say nice things to me all the time. It's addictive and soothing. Who wouldn't want that? Is it emotional cheating if we never talk about sex or make any plans to meet? I won't lie- I would be insanely flattered if he jerked off and thought of me. I don't think of him when I jerk off, though.
I told him I had taken a lot of selfies recently in an indulgent moment of loving the way my hair looked. He asked for a collage. A couple of the pictures were kind of sexy- nothing a bathing suit wouldn't reveal, but you know what I mean. I included those ones.
I'd like to think that I'm not the type of person who would sleep with a married man, but I'm grateful that he's thousands of miles away.
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ACK JUST STOP. Out of respect for the sisterhood. He's a douche and you don't need his approval.
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ReplyDeleteEdited...
ReplyDeleteThere's not really anything to stop. To be more accurate, I probably chat with him once every other month or so. This time I initiated chatting because I'm taking a trip to Montreal soon and I wondered if there was a chance he might know someone in the industry there. 90% of the conversation we have on those occasions are about podcasts, 5% are about teaching in Canada, and 5% are him remarking how pretty I am. After having sent him that picture (which was quite safe for work) I probably won't chat with him again until after my Montreal trip at the earliest.
He's a gigantic nerd of a person (he podcasts,) and he's really not a douche. I don't even know for sure if he was engaged at the time we hooked up, just that he was engaged by the time I met a friend of his two months later.
We've all done morally questionable things. Chatting with a married dude who is faithful for his wife other than the odd slightly flirtatious word with an old fling he'll never see again doesn't rank that high up there. He doesn't call me gorgeous all the time. I just know he thinks that of me, and that makes me feel good.
I stand by all of my initial comment. Nerdiness does not cancel douchiness. Let me ask you this- when/if you have a monogamous marriage/commitment would you find this communication he has with you troubling?
DeleteI don't think I'm a very good example to bring into this, because I don't really believe in monogamy. I am a pretty firm believer in social monogamy and treating the other partner with respect. To be honest, I would hate to find out the details of my husband chatting with some chica he hooked up with one time, but I wouldn't mind being informed that such a person he chatted with sometimes existed, and then being kept in the dark about it as long as he never intended on going through with something. That sounds like situational honesty but it's something I've thought a lot about.
ReplyDeleteI am also very open to the idea of opening up marriage to a "guest star" threesome situation or the occasional swinger's party. I'd also be down with discussing a husband/boyfriend/whatever visiting a prostitute under strictly monitored circumstances.
So, to be more succinct, I wouldn't find the communication we have troubling at all. I recognize that I am in the minority when it comes to this, but that's my personal view. "Do you think this dude's wife would find this troubling?" would have a different answer, but truthfully I have no idea.
Like I said, this is *never going anywhery.* It's thousands of miles and conversations that will never happen away from going anywhere. His being a nerd doesn't cancel his being kind of a douche that time we hooked up, but he's never suggested we get together, never said anything sexual, and never even asked for anything like the PG-sexy pictures I included in an otherwise generic selfie collage- just responded to my silly comment that I had taken like 80 pictures on a good hair night that I should make a collage. I don't even think he expected anything to come of it.
And I don't feel bad about it. And I didn't post it on here to feel bad about it.
http://www.nbcnews.com/id/17951664/ns/health-sexual_health/t/many-cheat-thrill-more-stay-true-love/#.Ucu2eeaerJY